An honest entry

I bought myself a copy of The Artists Way last year, maybe even the year before. Who knows, it’s impossible to keep track of “the lost years” when covid stopped us all in our tracks. I digress. I flicked through it, thought that’s a lot of words, and popped it only the shelf where it remained untouched.

Not sure why but over Christmas I decided to get it out again, and actually read it. The book is broken down into twelve weeks, with tasks for each week. It instigates a lot of deep reflecting and soul searching about you and your artistic practice. I’m sharing this journal entry because i beehive in honesty and transparency, and social media can be a bit of a highlight reel, only showing the good times and it’s important to share the hard times too, the struggles.

Although I’m only on week two I have to admit it’s brought something up the the surface which I kinda knew but had shoved so hard to one side it was no longer part of my conscious thought. I didn’t create any new silversmithing designs in 2022. None. The previous two years I felt like I was getting into my stride with my design aesthetics, building on the degree work and slowly starting to find my own feet. I loved the set of jugs I created, the carafe, and the “similar but not the same” boxes which were inspired by the Denys Ladsun designed University of East Anglia campus. I had confidence in my work, my integrity, with my development, and pride that I was making interesting silver items which felt true to myself.

But then I had a couple of knocks to my confidence, and while I know you should never let others bring you down, it’s easier said than done and I was plunged into thinking my work wasn’t good enough, being a silversmith was me having ideas above my station and I should get back in my lane. I’ve shears struggled with confidence in any area, and I think these feelings were exacerbated by lockdowns etc, which played a big part in changing a lot of peoples situations and outlook. It was tough on a lot of us, throwing up curveballs which took us down. My creativity stopped. Disappeared altogether. I still loved teaching and hid behind it a bit, making myself too busy earning money to catch up the previous years covid losses, to take the time out needed for developing my own work. Not giving myself permission to put me first, make my work a priority.

I wasn’t many pages into the book before blocks were explained. And I now realise that’s what has happened, many things happened and they’ve culminated into a massive block. And that’s where I’ve been for over a year. However, as soon as I acknowledged that I felt a shift. A positive shift.

I’m still working through the book, alongside another artist I know so we can check in on each other and keep each other accountable and I’m excited to see where it takes me. The doubts are becoming whispers, and are being overtook by my motivation to make. The “morning pages” are so helpful, and definitely something I’ll keep up.

I’m really excited that ideas have started flowing again, and I’ve found my love of making again. Now I have my new studio with more space which in turn has given me more headspace, and my teaching time has been reduced (I’ll always teach, I enjoy it so much, but I’m finding a better balance with it this year rather than letting it dominate my entire week every week), I can get cracking with being a silversmith again. And it feels good!